No, on my wedding day, I certainly didn't think I would fantasize about divorce or become so unhappily married that I would plan his funeral. Who does think such things on their wedding day?
Grimm Fairy Tales Inferno Rings of Hell (2014 Zenescope) comic books
But about three years ago, the state of my marital union was anything but a fairy tale. I did not adore my husband. I didn't even like him. Heck, I didn't even want him alive. I felt so alone back then. I thought my married friends would think I was freakish if they knew about my very dark thoughtsthe ones that ruminated over all of the ways my husband could conveniently die. I've since learned, by the way, that the death fantasy is quite common and quite normal. Right about now you are probably expecting me to tell you all about my divorce and what I've done with my life since.
That's not what I have to tell you though. I never did get divorced. I'm still married to the same guy. And here's the kicker: I am not a masochist. Three years ago, I bought and read every marital improvement book that seemed even mildly interesting.
I put the advice into practice. Will you believe that the only terminal problem in our marriage was that we didn't know how to be happily married? I wouldn't have believed it before my marriage project, either. But now, looking back on it, I can see that we were only lacking in some very important skillscommunication skills, forgiveness skills, intimacy building skills, listening skills.
Once we learned those skills, I stopped planning his funeral and we grew closer. Now we're happily married. As I said, I now love him. But I'm not done. I know how easily a marriage can slide into a state of misery and despair. I'm all too familiar with loving my husband one day and wishing he were dead the next. That's why I'm on a continual quest to see just how good a marriage can get.
How hot can my sex life become? How close can the two of us feel? How little can we fight but still manage to communicate? Those are the questions I hope to be able to answer for you-and for me-during this journey. Follow along as I chronicle the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Were there any books in specific that you thought helped you the most? I'm heading towards the same point you were at and I have no idea how to fix it. Now what did the husband do to improve the marriage, or was it all on your shoulders?
And if you did the bulk of home improvement project, how, exactly, did things improve? Re what my husband did: I will admit that I shouldered a lot of the burden. But I eventually say that in the choice between fair and happy, I would rather have happy. He did go along with whatever I suggested.
Flip Chart Fairy Tales | Business Bullshit, Corporate Crap and other stuff from the World of Work
He was not against improving the marriage; he just didn't have as much initiative. So, for instance, I taught him the communication techniques I learned from various books, and he practiced them with me. There is so much right about what you have to say here!! For example, that hating your spouse doesn't automatically mean you should get a divorce; that there are things you can do to make a marriage better; that most relationships have really, really bumpy, ugly spots in them; that if one of you is unhappy, chances are so is the other one -- just to name a few of your very important points!!!
Looking forward to your next post! Diane Barth. We are getting the view from one spouse here, and while I don't disagree with what she said, I always wonder how the other spouse feels about the state of the marriage since the relationship improvement project was launched. The statement "We are happy" does make me cringe a bit, because the person seems to be speaking for both parties in the relationship, and how can that be? There is one relationship, with each member of that relationship experiencing it differently.
Would be very helpful to hear the other spouses take on the state of the relationship both pre and post improvment project. While it is great your marriage has improved to the point where you feel happy, it is a very vaguely written post.
All That Fairy Tale Crap | Apex Magazine
There is a difference between those moments when things are not quite the fairytale you imagined and when there are real differences you wonder if you can get through. And then I read it again. And again. And again, until I could convince myself that it was, in fact, real. Cayden is moving here in three days. For the past three years I've spent so much of my time waiting--waiting for his next visit, waiting for his plane to land, waiting for our visa to get approved--that I'm having a hard time comprehending the fact that the wait is about to end. That whole 'good things come to those who wait a ridiculously long time' bit was about to actually live up to its promise.
Can you believe it? If you've been reading from the beginning, you've been through the ups and downs, the tears of joy and tears of heartache, right along with me for the past two years And it's all coming down to this Or so we hope.
Where the Heck is my Fairytale
And as you've been reading my story and geting to know us, I've been getting to know you. I talk to some of you so regularly on Twitter or via email that I forget we haven't met in person yet. You guys have been my support group whether you've known it or not, even if all you did was "like" one of my Facebook posts. I don't think I could have survived the emotional exhaustion of this long-distance relationship without a place to vent and people to commiserate with.
I couldn't have done it without you. So now I thank you for your tweets, your comments, your emails. I thank you for your letters to your congressmen, your words of wisdom, your shared stories. I thank you for staying up late with me, supporting me and cheering me on.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. Will I keep blogging once I get my fairytale ending? Of course. Married life is going to be a whole new beginning.
A fairytale beginning, perhaps. OK, enough cheesy one-liners from me tonight. I blame it on the fact that I've lost hours and hours of sleep trying to get this blog caught up before our next chapter. Surgery in the morning and then I need all the beauty sleep I can get before Saturday. Until my next update, enjoy these photos of us from the past couple years. Wednesday, September 5, To Those Who Wait.